Real Reason Marriage Fails

Real Reasons Marriage Fails

 

Marriage used to be the most coveted and important event in a person’s life: Not anymore; during the past quarter of a century or so, it has come under vicious attack and has lost most of luster. As a result, most marriages today fail and are destined to a nasty divorce court. The real reasons that marriage fails are quite diverse and multifaceted. Society has changed and has adopted a different framework of reality; its reference point and perception of reality are drastically different from what they used to be. It is this striking ideological shift that has rendered long-term marriage so difficult and, even unreasonable. In this regard, it is important to understand society in its proper context of change. The book Crashing Streams of Change provides a solid foundational understanding of change. Most marriages fail because people do not perceive the world as a change machine; and where morals are not solidly grounded, the wrong kind of change is going to happen again and again and again. This is one of the reasons that I strongly recommend this landmark volume as an essential element in your search to understand divorce and all negative societal change. People change their minds about things because the world is false.

 

The Changing Societal Tone

In the past, the common understanding of reality was that people were created by God and sent into the world to live for some time and to procreate; after accomplishing that mission, they were then removed from the world through the natural process of being born and dying.  Despite the fact that human beings’ lifespan has been expanding over the past century or so, due to technological and scientific advancement; man’s stay in the world has not been long. Nonetheless, whatever time he has been allowed to live in the world was largely viewed from the context of real love and monogamous marriage—and marriage was a big deal, something that lasted for a life time. That is the tone and perception of things that have changed so dramatically in society today and has caused so much confusion, and depression, and destruction.  By and large; society used to be viewed in the context of stable marital relationships; and when people got married, the common understanding and mindset reflected the marriage vows themselves. Marriage was serious and nothing to be played with. Separation occurred here and there and was very rare—divorce was almost out of the question.

 

Marriage, The Advertisement of Love

The conventional perception of life on the earth was that people were here to understand and enjoy the world, and part of that enjoyment involved finding a life partner and publicly broadcasting that discovery through the process of marriage. Thus, marriage was a kind of grand advertisement of one’s life partner—and it was a quite a showcase of pride and joy. Marriage was a big deal; divorce was hardly ever in the picture, and there were very few real reasons why marriage failed. The way people viewed reality, back then, was that marriage was permanent and lifelong.  Thus, the overall perception of life was clearly oriented around love and marriage: All that has now changed; and a whole new mindset has been created, producing a society with a very loose definition and understanding of marriage. In the past, the divorce process was much more complicated—it was harder to get a divorce. That was mainly geared to keeping society together because that is what marriage does. Every effort was made to block divorce and to keep married people together; as a result, there were not many reasons for marriage to fail. Marriage is great for society, but where falsehood and shaky morality are especially abundant, no matter how advantageous it is to be married, most marriages don’t last. Crashing Streams of Change explains why; lies are the essence of all negative change: Marriage is a special type of friendship, and lies and deception destroy all friendships.

 

The Empty of Husk of Marriage

All that is gone, and now, every effort is being made to loosen society’s understanding of marriage even further and to turn society itself into a foot-loose and fancy-free playground of lawlessness. Today, society is a confused gathering of human beings with no morality and sense of commitment. The fact people have relatively easy access to no-fault divorce, marriage has become extremely cheap and is as dispensable a used napkin. Thus, these structural changes have themselves created a different kind of society; where marriage is and empty husk, and family life is a discarded trash of meaningless people. For this reason, the anti-marriage stability mindset has created a mood that is intrinsically destructive to marriage and family life. This loose sociological mood and attitude, regarding marriage, is one of the real reasons that marriage fails today; the solid moral foundation is just not there anymore to sustain marriage through these extremely rocky and stormy times.

 

 Lies cause the unique friendship of marriage to fail by sowing discord and conflict in it; thus, a real reason why marriage fails is negative change introduced to the marriage through the instrument of lies. As a result, falsehood turns an otherwise happy marriage into an empty husk. Crashing Streams of Change explains the mechanism by which falsehood or lies work to trigger negative change in people’s lives, turning things like marriage into a distasteful experience. The marriage experience was not always distasteful; it was made that way the by falsehood device that causes the change, whether it be adultery, communication, lack of sexual intimacy…whatever, the device or trigger of it is always caused by a lie of some kind. For example, cheating on your spouse is a lie. You may not call it that: You may give it some fancy, politically correct name; but that is exactly what it is. Thus, this is why you need to understand how lies work to initiate negative change in social reality—marriage is a society

 

Society’s dramatic War Against Marriage

what a dramatic transformation that has happened in people’s attitude towards marriage—it is as if society is now engaged in a titanic war against marriage.  it certainly isn’t what it used to be. What has happened to marriage today, and where did all that euphoria go? Apart from the fundamental issue of loose societal attitude about marriage today, a number of other reasons, splattered across search engines’ computer screens, are given as valid explanations and real reasons why marriage fails today. Society’s dramatic war marriage is so senseless and sick, it is not funny: Most of the explanations presented, as real reasons why marriage fails today, are really baseless when viewed more closely. Though they seem quite real and concrete at face value; on closer inspection, what one finds is that these reasons presented are really not root causes for divorce nor real reasons why marriage fails today. Rather, they are merely fruits of deeper issues and problems beneath the mirage of what they represent and seem to portray.

 

The Advantages of Being Married

Why are so many marriages failing today—what has happened to people? Marriage is the single most critical institution in society, and many pundits agree that it carries a range of benefits that should keep sensible people married. All the sociological and scientific research, done on marriage, has clearly concluded that it is more advantageous to be married than to be single. Married couples are manifestly happier, richer, and live longer than single people. Many people who are homeless today are in that situation because of foolish decisions that they made in their lives. Quite a few of these folks were married at one time, and then, they irrationally divorced their spouses; thus, putting them in the financial bind in which they presently find themselves. Suddenly, their salary was not enough; and they found themselves in a situation that they could not afford. As a result, hundreds of thousands of these people now live on the street. In this regard, marriage is clearly more advantageous than being single; well, if that is the case—and it is—why are so many people opting for divorce: Why are so many marriages failing.  What are the real reasons that marriage fails today?

 

Shallow Reasons Why Marriage Fails

A rash of reasons are given to explain why marriage fails; and, on the surface, these seem to be perfectly legitimate reasons for the failure of marriage. In the context of how society works, these explanations for marriage’s failure seem entirely plausible and correct; but are they? What are these explanations, as to why marriage fails?

 

The Trifling Treatment of Marriage

Poor communication or breakdown in communication is often given as one of the principal and real reasons why marriage fails, but is that really true—is poor communication a valid reason why so many marriages fail? Marriage, by nature, is a high-level life decision that should not be made lightly. In view of the fact that marriage should be based on compatibility; anyone, in his right mind, should not treat it triflingly; but that is exactly what most people do: They trivialize the soberness and seriousness of those marriage vows and wind up cursing their own lives when they break them. Many people are of the opinion that breaking marriage vows, through extra-marital affairs, is a trifle and carries no consequences: Nothing could be further from the truth. Such violation of those sacred vows carries dangerous curses that stretch as far as 120 years. Who do the curses strike? You and your off springs.

 

Is there any wonder that drug addiction is the number killer of people in American society between eighteen and forty-four? Drug addiction is a curse, and it is connected breaking marriage vows, and so is adultery and divorce.  What is going on in America today is, by no means, any coincident; as millions of people fool around with adultery and think that it all ends there—no, it never ends there. And the shocking rise of domestic violence and the number of women who are wind up dying at the hands of their husbands have risen sharply. Messing around with adultery is tantamount to a death sentence: Because it doesn’t happen right away doesn’t mean it wouldn’t happen; sooner or later, your spouse would catch you, and he or she may not be a happy camper. As innocent as it looks, adultery is a deadly matter; every day, three women die from domestic violence in America: Most of those deadly situations arise from overheated arguments about adulterous affairs.  It is a deadly game that people play every day, and thousands wind up paying the price. The trifling treatment of marriage is one of the real reasons that marriage fails today. People are too loose, and cheap, and vain with themselves about serious matters. Everything is a game; nothing means anything anymore.

 

In this regard, is it a breakdown in communication why marriage fails or people’s vain, meaningless understanding of reality? Just like sex, marriage is not for children; it is an adult behavior and responsibility: Childish adults who get married are not mature enough to stay married. Thus, it is not communication breakdown that stirs divorce; it is people’s lack of moral conviction and plain immaturity.  When children participate in adult behavior, they have no real appreciation for its adult status. Life, in the United States, has waxed increasingly, and success, in marriage, inherently demands a strong moral foundation; unfortunately, moral standards have fallen steeply in the United States, as the ten commandments have been ripped from the courtyard of public life. Here again, poor communication and lack of sexual intimacy are merely face-value causes for the failure of marriage today. People’s flagrant disregard for moral conviction and sacred things are two of the real reasons that marriage fails today. All the shallower and more superficial reasons given, as to why marriage fails today, are mere trifles.

 

People’s willingness to break their marriage vows and commit adultery, as if there not consequences for their actions, are the reasons that marriage fails today in the West. Many who routinely practice adultery assume that there are no consequences for their behavior—they are wrong: Nature’s double-edged sword works going and coming. There are consequences and curses tied to adultery—and they have not passed away. No, they haven’t. You mess around with adultery; sooner or later you will the price.  That is exactly why many people whose marriage winds up failing, realize. They should know that, as involved and all-encompassing as marriage is; it should be based on a strong moral foundation, a strong sense of maturity, and on a command of the skill of communication. Thus, while communication is certainly critical for the success of marriage, other variables are equally important. Dating and engaged couples should sit down and talk about everything because this period is the best test of communication skills and compatibility reinforcements. You do not need to be a mathematician to know that you should not marry someone with whom you cannot communicate effectively and get along. These are real reasons why marriage fails; If you are arguing and fussing during the dating and engagement phase, it should be fairly obvious to you that further involvement with each other would be ruinous.

 

Thus, when people say that communication breakdown is the cause of marriage break up; they are merely looking at things, based on a superficial view and not on the broader picture. That shallow, superficial understanding is just a reflection of the fruit of greater problems within the people themselves. Poor communication hints that the couple did not spend enough time, getting to know one another in a real and personal way; and getting married in such a state is like trying to run a marathon with a broken ankle. However, this is what many people do; they view marriage as a cure-all to fix their complicated lives; and then, it blows up in their face. These are real reasons why marriage fails.

 

Marriage is no Cure-All

Unfortunately, people often become obsessed and greatly enamored with each other during the initial phase of the relationship. Seemingly, they are so happy for having found each other; they incorrectly assume that things would stay that way, in a world of shaky morality, and that the relationship itself is a panacea—a cure-all that would solve all their problems. Nothing could be further from the truth: The idea that marriage is a cure-all is a lie, It is like writing a book without preparing yourself to market it. Some writers think that, once the book is written and published, it would automatically sell—and that is a mistake. Most writers who are of this persuasion are rudely awakened to the massive disappointment of their book’s utter failure. Thus, what looks like a communication breakdown in married couple’s break up is really the couple’s false understanding of love, marriage, and life. You don’t marry someone to whom you haven’t communicated your goals, values, interests, hobbies, and expectations for the relationship. It is during this process where you must figure out whether or not this person is right for you. Meeting and having sex occasionally is one thing—and it can be a lot of fun: Getting married and succeeding in marriage is a whole different ball of wax. Many people don’t like to micro mange things; they say that they do not want to put every aspect of their relationship under a microscope; that is too unnatural and unspontaneous. That may be true, but it may very well be the end that justifies the means marriage. Many of these people do not want to deal with conflict and confrontation. Unfortunately, because the world itself is a lie, and people do not tell the truth; that kind of thinking would not work. In view of the fact that you would have to set clear boundaries that you expect from your spouse; you will have a very complicated life, trying to navigate your way through a marriage without dealing, head-on, with conflict. And it would be especially when his wandering eyes drift away from you, looking at other women who are prettier than you. Human society is flush with conflict because it is false, and people lie.       

 

Unresolved Sexual Issues

Well, people, people like those, should not be married to anyone because this life is a bundle of unsolved issues and conflicts—life is all about resolving issues and conflicts because the world is false. All conflicts are caused by lies; and because the world is false, conflicts are like a river: They roll by ever so often. Conflict and the need to resolved it is a real challenge; any effort to avoid dealing with conflict is another conflict; it is another of the real reasons that marriage fails. For example, avoiding each other is avoiding contact for meaningful communication and sharing.  Both people must discuss the level of commitment that they desire in the relationship—and they must do this regularly. They must talk clearly and unashamedly about their sexual preferences, in terms of physical body parts—boobs’ tightness and firmness, vaginal tightness, oral sex, anal sex, frequency, preferred time of day, and sex position preference.

 

In this kind of society in which we live today, all these things need to be spelled out, in black and white, before embarking on any romantic adventure with anyone. You cannot assume that the other person does not participate in anal sex—you must clearly and point blank, ask the person if she engages in anal sex; you cannot assume that she doesn’t because that can be a flashpoint of trouble later on down the road. You must clear your end and make sure that you understand who you partner is—don’t assume that you know who she is; you’ll be surprised. If people cannot be frank and honest at this early stage in the relationship, what makes you think that they are going to be any more honest later on? Messing around with unresolved sexual intimacy issues is most certainly one of the real reasons why marriage fails.

 

In addition to these more obvious reasons why marriage fails is the issue of asexuality: There are those who want to be married but don’t want to have sex because they claim that they are asexuals. They claim that they have no sexual orientation and are not drawn sexually to anyone; and some of these very confused people have married regular heterosexuals and want those people to adjust to their sexless lifestyle. Now, you know it just does not get any crazier than that. If you don’t want to have sex, then you should not marry: The very idea of not wanting sex is a form of perversion because the sex act is so natural and real—it is the factory of human society. All you are going to do is to confuse another person’s life by marrying him or her when you already know that you do not want sex; in fact, such behavior should be viewed as a felony, punishable by time in prison. Life is complicated enough, especially nowadays; hooking up with asexual people is only making things worse, and if you are married to someone like that, shame on you. A sexless marriage is a complicated marriage and another of the real reasons that marriage fails to day. Married people need to give each other sexual nourishment; and when that stops, the whole marriage needs to be overhauled unless it lies beyond the person’s will and ability.

 

Interlocking Reasons why Marriage fails

Two sets of reasons explain the why so many marriages fail: Many of the obvious, superficial ones often interlock and operate synergistically to destroy the marriage. In this regard, no one factor causes a marriage to break up; the break up process is often the result of several variables, working against the marriage at the same time.  The shallower and more obviously reasons why marriage fails are often connected to what I call bottom-level factors why the marriage fails. The obvious reasons why marriage fails are generally more straightforward and easier to spot, as is the case of the iconic lack of sexual intimacy that is frequently cited as the main and real reason why marriage fails. The reality is that this factor is merely a fruit that sprouts from a root of deeper problems with the couple themselves.  More often than not, these bottom-level problems are much more difficult to spot; and unless they are spotted, identified, and fixed; the intimacy issues will persist and continue to cause problems in the marriage.  Thus, it is critical to identify these deep-rooted issues and treat them as the real reasons why marriage fails.

 

What one finds is that, in most cases, these problems are connected to communication and expectation issues: One or both of the partners are not being clear on what their needs are and what bothers them about the marriage. For example, people often enter into sexual intercourse way too early in relationships; and that confuses everything else. In many cases, the entire relationship is based on how wonderful that first sexual orgasm was. In the light of today’s loose, false world; such a basis upon which to start a relationship is plainly erroneous because the importance of sex eventually changes later on. In this regard, more emphasis should be placed on getting to know each other and communicating with one another’s expectations, goals, values, morals, and dreams: It is just too early for all that hanky panky stuff at this point.  Thus, initiating sex too early in a relationship creates dynamic problems that throws it off balance because the relationship becomes identified with great sex only—and not with the overall system of reality that influences healthy marital relationships. When that hanky panky burns off and the two people begin to become more like a family, great sex is not going to have the same value and meaning anymore; especially when children enter the picture.  What’s the point getting a crazy, out this world orgasm and getting pregnant, all in one blow this early in the game. Thus, while sex has its place in a relationship; too much emphasis on the sexual aspect, at the expense of getting to know each other and determining whether you should be together, confuses things and throws them off balance. Such a marriage relationship error is another of the reasons why marriage fails.

 

Unfortunately, that is not the way relationship get started and works in society: Sex is everything—and it confuses people and sets them up for massive disappointment and heart break later on down the road. Learning to communicate your expectations, what you want, and the boundaries with which you are comfortable in the relationship are the central elements of success in marriage. Money issues and in-law problems fall smack within this guideline; it covers everything and all the problems that people have in marital relationships. If you communicate your feelings clearly and firmly with your partner, you would know if that person is for you: If you don’t agree, you simply walk away from that deal. People who are for you tend to get along with you, and this is the reason that you need to be honest with yourself and look at the relationship objectively to see if it is a workable situation. Many people, afraid of the truth, live under the shadow of a lie and become comfortable with that lifestyle. This is another the real reason why marriage fails.

 

Interlocking Elements that Tear up Marriage

In order to avoid all of this confusion, in the earlier part of the relationship; the bulk of the couple’s time should be spent on getting to know each other and figuring what each other’s view of love is in order to see if they are compatible. They need to understand what each other’s perception of commitment and acceptable boundaries are. Do you see why these superficial factors of divorce are so overrated? They are highly overrated because they are often viewed by themselves, without looking at their root causes and the broader atmosphere around the home. Another reason that these face-value problems tend to seem so important is that they often interact with other factors that strengthen their apparent negative influence on the marriage. Thus, marital problems are often connected to interlocking elements or factors that work together to break up the marriage. These are other reasons why marriage fails; thus, people, having marital problems, may want to identify the cluster of causes of their marital troubles and not just single out of dominant reason. More often than not, it is a single dominant factor that pushes people into divorce court; they tend to become fixated around that one dominant factor causing the trouble the marriage and fail to look at the other causal elements clouding up the marriage. Here again, Crashing Streams of Change is a good problem finder and solver of troubled marriages because it serves as a heat-sensing device to find the lies that are troubling the relationship. Once those are identified and isolated, then they can be removed; thus, helping the married couple to understand their situation much better and fix it.

 

These interlocking elements are not the real reasons why marriage fails; for example, violation of boundaries, a frequent flashpoint of trouble in marriage, is a communication factor: What the couple means by relationship needs to be clearly defined and spelled out as early as possible, in terms of what each of the parties wants from the relationship. They both should determine if they are just going to have sex periodically until they don’t want to have it any more; or if they want a closed-door, long-term, intimate relationship; in view of marriage. Such frank talk defines the boundaries of their relationship, in that they both understand that there is no Plan B in the picture—there is no “If this does not work clause” in their understanding of things; this must not be in the picture if they are aiming for a successful, long-term, intimate, marital relationship. But you see, this calls for clear communication and specification of your expectations or what you want from the marriage. If you are serious about things, then you need to make that very clear: This is not an experiment; it is a marriage-driven relationship, involving two people who are genuinely committed to each other and bent on making it work. This is a couple who understands the reasons why most marriages fail, and knows exactly what they need to do in order to make their relationship and ultimate marriage, down the road, work. Not planning and thinking like this are reasons that marriage fails.

 

In addition to all of that, couples need to candidly discuss their perception of the world—how they see the world and what their political and religious views are. Couples, voting for different parties, are a clear travesty; it is flagrant example of a marriage in which people who did not spend enough time in connecting mentally and ideologically with each other; and pathetically enough, many marriages break up around election. Before people get that far with each other, it seems as it they need to frankly discuss their values and morals; and there needs to be absolute agreement on these matters before progressing towards marriage. If the woman is a Christian; and the man is not, that situation is clearly off on the wrong foot. Many think that he or she would change later on down the road: No, I’ll tell you what he will do later on down the road: he will kick your behind later on down the road if you tell him anything about going to church. Whatever you need to talk about, you need to it from the very get go—not later on down the road.

 

Marriage Ruined by Lies

Virtually all relationships start out with the best of intentions: Everybody has a clean suit of clothes; and sometimes, that is all that he has. Relationships begin with the best of intentions; but because human society is false, the best of intentions eventually fade and leave you massively disappointed. People’s false view of love illudes them into thinking that human beings are innately good, and they won’t hurt you: They can be trusted. Some wild cart wanders into your life, and you think that you can trust him—it is a mistake. The world is a lie; it is a place where people occasionally tell the truth. You just need to visit a few shockingly ugly divorce court hearings to get your thinking straight: Human beings tell lies, and they do it all the time; thus, if you think that you are that special and they won’t lie to you, you have something else coming. All human conversations must follow this pattern: You must always ask the next person, “Now, tell me: How many lies did you just tell me there? How much of what you just told me there is true?” Such an attitude keeps you on the right path with people—especially lovers.

 

Many so-called lovers have discrepant, contradictory intentions; these dishonest people use marriage as a crotch with a plan B in mind; they are as committed as Prince Charles was to Diana. These dishonest people mislead their spouses into marriage, while all the time, they had a clear plan B in focus. Naturally, if the communication is messed up and based on lies, the couple is not going to able to resolve the conflicts that result from it; the two are interlocked. If one is not present, the other would not be there as well. And if they cannot resolve the ensuing conflicts; they will, sooner or later, begin to grow apart: All these factors of marriage failure are interconnected. If they cannot resolve conflict harmoniously, and they begin to grow apart; they will begin to disrespect one another and to engage in visceral, emotionally-charged name calling. By this time, the thrill will utterly gone; and their sexual appetite for each other will have already dropped to zero.

 

The Sexual incompatible Lie

Sometimes, a general lack of sexual compatibility can create such a storm: People with different sexual tastes, preference, and desire levels are clearly not compatible for marriage. These are the shallow, interlocking reasons why marriage fails; they stem from deeper root issues that are often overlooked by the couple, resulting in the destruction of the marriage. For example, virtually all marital problems stem from lies that are either knowingly or unknowingly working in the marriage. Dishonesty, a lie,  is the site of all marital problems; whether they be boundary issues, extra-marital affairs, money problems, lack of sexual intimacy, too much focus on sex—whatever; lies are always at the bottom of all marital problems, and they are the central factor that causes all the disrespect, conflict, fighting, and break-up both in marriage all other types of relationships.  Lies, therefore, are bottom-level problems that tear up marriage and family situations and toss them in the trash.

 

The Dishonesty Lie

Married couples who do not treat the honesty issue and think that they can handle each other without a strong emphasis on truth are soundly deceived; they wind up experiencing great disappointment in their marriage, and it often does not work. All this should have been bluntly discussed during the earlier phase of the relationship; people do not miraculously become sexually compatible because they are in a sexual relationship; generally, many people are kind of coy and shy about these matters. They assume that they would automatically take care of themselves when they get to that point. Well, that is not true: People need to sit themselves down and decide what they want in an intimate relationship. Do they want sex, what kind do they want, and what kind in which they would absolutely not participate? If you don’t want to be used by some unscrupulous human being, with red-hot sexual tools, you need to iron these things out at the very start of the relationship conversation. These things do not work out on their own: You either manage them, or they will abuse you. These are some of the  reasons why marriages fail.

 

Hidden Reasons Why Marriage Fails

Having discussed some of the superficial reasons that many marriages fail, it is now fitting to look at a couple of the bottom-level factors that contribute to the failure of marriage. It is rather obvious that the reasons presented above are legitimate and real: What is so interesting about these seemingly obvious reasons why marriage fails is their interlocking nature; in other words, no one factor causes marriage to fail. It is often an interlocking interaction of several factors that work together, in a kind of dance, to bring about the destruction of marriage. Most of these interlocking elements of marriage failure seem to be connected to two things: First, a broad program of ill-advised and por communication, where each individual’s points of view, goals, and expectations have been poorly spelled out or confused, somewhere along the way. This has caused both persons much harm, in terms of waste of time and being sexed by someone who did not love him or her. Secondly, expectations about sex have been also confused and misconstrued: Initially, one or both of the parties were not candid and mature enough to say exactly what they wanted. The woman preferred someone with a larger sized penis but never said it; assuming that, somehow or other, the guy would get the message and grow up to suit her sexual needs. The guy, on the other hand, preferred a woman with firmer and larger sized breasts; and he, too, did not verbalize those sentiments; thus, they got lost in the process. Human society is an engine that is driven by the fuel of words: When they are not clearly enunciated, things often get fogged up and confused; and this is what typically happens in most marriages that collapse.

 

Now, that is the essence of those two broad factors that cause marriage to fail. The couple misconstrued and misunderstood each other’s needs, goals, expectations, and intentions; and, after a while, the whole thing blew up their face; and the marriage failed. But are those the two underlying factors the real reasons why marriage fails? No, not at all: Those two factors are merely the fruits of larger issues and problems within couples and society itself that put unnecessary strain on marriage and cause it to fail.  For example, people are socialized wrong; well, you might ask, “What is socialization?” Socialization, according to Google, is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society. It is the seat of personal development in a society. To put it another way, socialization is the process by which people learn to identify with, and to internalize, society’s norms and practices; in view of developing their own personality.

 

Do you see any underlying problems with theses definitions? The first definition states that socialization is the process of learning to behave in an acceptable way to society: What is acceptable to society—is run-away divorce acceptable to society, even though it is ruinous and destructive to society’s overall well-being?  The second definition states that socialization is the process of internalizing society’s norms and practices: to internalize means to make something a part of you. Well, out of control, run-away divorce is a societal practice; but is that a behavior that is acceptable to society? Do you see how the people who run society confuse all the rest of us? Is run-away divorce a normal societal practice? And the answer is resounding no, yet out of control divorce has become normal in society. In this regard, socialization itself is the root cause of run-away divorce in society because it is viewed as a normal societal practice, even though it is a deadly societal disease. Out of control divorce irreparably destroys human society—it throws things into upheavals and upsets the normal balance within society; yet, according to the above definitions, it is viewed as a normal society practice.

 

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